Carnage Makes Superman Bleed!!
In a recent attack on Circe, Superman joined with Wonder Woman on the behalf of the Goddess, Hecate. In an action that the Man of Steel has since apologized for, Superman went through a building in the Hades district. Before Superman could rejoin the fight, the massive denizen of Paradise City Carnage jumped through the air and intercepted Superman.
Both super-powered godlings landed in the middle of the Demeter district, creating impact craters nearly the diameter of a football field. Witnesses from Demeter claim that Superman gave pause at seeing Carnage in his full magenta and powderpuff blue with grotesque muscles stretching at the impossible jester’s outfit. Then, when Superman threw a punch, the first punch, Carnage CAUGHT SUPERMAN’S FIST! Witnesses say that the force of this catch was enough to send shockwaves strong enough to knock those too close to the scene to the ground.
Then, as the film following shows, Carnage draws back his fist and slams it into Superman’s face growling loud and proud, “YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE, DESTROYER!” As is clearly caught in the second clip, caught by High School Student Brian Philips, as Superman’s head rocks back from the tremendous force of the blow, Kryptonian blood actually explodes from Superman’s nose! That single, monumental, titanic blow dropped the Man of Steel to his knees in a look of surprise and perhaps a touch of awe. When Carnage pointed a single talon towards Metropolis and growled at Superman, “Go destroy your own city. You’re done here, child,” tail between his legs, Superman sped off back to Metropolis, the message seemingly well received.
Future investigations from StarLabs and LexCorp turned up no physical evidence of Superman’s blood, but experts agree that Brian’s footage was not doctored or fabricated in any fashion, which leads to all manner of speculation as to the nature of alien blood. It has led to protests about the health of the locally grown produce, but Monsanto and LexCorps Agriculture assure us that the food they produce is just a safe as ever.
Carnage and his group of clowns, love them or hate them, seemingly come out of nowhere to protect Paradise City against all comers. Paradise City has always been rough around the edges, harkening back to the era of old Detroit, so some speculate that perhaps the Clowns are the heroes we have earned for ourselves, much as Gotham deserves the chaos that follows in the wake of Batman, the Joker, Two-Face and that entire pit of crazy.
Maybe someday, gentle readers, we will deserve better than a couple of ultra-violent, nightmarish towns. Be good to each other and maybe, just maybe, we’ll someday have actual heroes.
Carnage beats back Brainiac Incursion
Now that rebuilding has begun and we all can take a deep breath and relax after surviving an alien invasion, let’s really talk about Paradise City. The districts were decimated. Our patron goddess Hecate and her eternal enemy Circe were both brought low, their flying citadels nearly destroyed outright by the alien menace known as Brainiac. Did the Justice League spare anyone to come here to Paradise City? No.
Not a single member of the Justice League could be bothered.
Let me say that again.
Not a single member.
Cities like Metropolis and Gotham, New York City and Los Angeles… all of them had heroes coming out of the woodwork to defend them from all over the galaxy! Apparently, however, Paradise City and the millions living here don’t matter. Just like they left Detroit to die years ago, it was up to us to find a way.
Thankfully, we had some of our own protectors. I am loathe to call the Clowns heroes, but one cannot dispute the simple fact that they, along with some other emerging heroes, downed an alien mothership, stopped the abductions of the citizens, utterly creamed the robot army, and found a way to unbottle the districts. Love or hate them, none of us would be more than Soylent Green right now without them gentlereaders.
Led by the legendary might of Carnage and The Ringmaster, if the emerging reports and information about the worldwide invasion are correct, not only did we do it alone, we did it FIRST! So if you happen to see a clown and they aren’t trying to kill you, thank them. If you happen to see Rebel Yell, Dove, or Big Brother, show them some of that famous Paradise City love. I already know that every man, woman, and child is already wanting to show Blackout, Nightfall, Seraphim, and Sweet Talk as much love as you can before the restraining orders go into effect.
I am sad to report that little is truly known about the group known as the Clowns. What we do know is that The Ringmaster was the first and Carnage was his firstborn. Our intelligence indicates that Carnage was the most successful of the creations, exhibiting strength and endurance that rival Superman or the known gods.
Carnage has exhibited the ability to dodge bullets, life upwards of
Were it not for the intense psychological damage that the creation process creates in it’s subjects, we might pursue the technology for military use. The propensity for violence and slaughter from the Clowns at random intervals makes such a pursuit not worth the tremendous risk in wresting the knowledge away from the Clowns. Out of six operatives that have been sent to investigate them, five are living out the remainder of their lives in mental wards. The sixth, Special Agent Angelica Gordon, is currently assigned to Camp Backus as the intelligence liason to the Young Protector’s program.